is your mom at the bar?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
