I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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