I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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