we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
