And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
