You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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