I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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