i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
