Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish you could order shots online.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
