you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
