just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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