She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
