My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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