she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
