cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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