I just threw up on my dentist
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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