The best revenge is premature balding
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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