Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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