JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
