best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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