I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
