Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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