It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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