I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
