Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
