So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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