We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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