Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
