My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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