I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
As shirtless as possible
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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