But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
