watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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