ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
