WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
