Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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