I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
