Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
