We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
