Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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