Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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