whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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