Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
