Bisexual people are plain selfish.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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