just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
