yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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