cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
