My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
