the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
