just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
