Just cropdusted the office
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
