His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
