Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
