I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
