dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
