Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
