So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
